New airline rules

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket? Passenger: Sure. A: You’re in seat 12B. That will be $5, please! P: What for? A: For telling you where to sit. P: But I already knew where to sit. A: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It’s […]


Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket? Passenger: Sure. A: You’re in seat 12B. That will be $5, please! P: What for? A: For telling you where to sit. P: But I already knew where to sit. A: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It’s the airline’s new policy. P: That’s the craziest thing I ever heard. I won’t pay it. A: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not? P: Yes, yes. All right, I’ll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this. A: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you? P: That would be swell, thanks. A: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please. P: What? A: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee. P: This is extortion. I won’t stand for it. A: Actually, you’re right, you can’t stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We’re about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10. P: No way! A: Sir, if you don’t comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don’t want me to do that. P: Why not? Is he going to shoot me? A: No, but there’s a $50 airmarshal hailing fee. P: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can’t believe this. A: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you? P: Yes. It’s stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn’t seem to work. Can you fix it? A: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes. Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air? A: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It’s the circulating air that costs 50 cents. P: I don’t have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar? A: Certainly, sir! Here you go! P: But you’ve given me only three quarters for my dollar. A: Yes, there’s a change making fee of 25 cents. P: For cryin’ out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this? A: Hang onto it. You’ll need it later for the lavatory.